AP
®
English Literature and Composition 2021 Scoring Commentary
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Question 2
Note: Student samples are quoted verbatim and may contain spelling and grammatical errors.
Overview
Responses to this question were, once again, expected to demonstrate how a student could carefully read a prose
passage and then use an understanding of the literary elements and techniques associated with prose fiction to
explain how the author represents the complex response of the narrator to the prank.
In this question, then, students had to think about the author’s construction of the passage and how it might be
d
esigned to produce a particular effect or convey a particular representation of the narrator’s response. This
requires students to think both about the narrative of the text and about its construction and manipulation. It
might also require them to think about how an author can affect a reader’s perceptions—not just a narrator’s
response.
Sample: 2A
Score: 1-4-1
A. Thesis (0−1 points): 1
The response earned the point in Row A with its defensible interpretation of the complex response of the
narrator to the incident at the riverbank. The thesis, “In Breath, the author uses a careful selection of detail and
diction to convey the constant transfer of authority throughout the story, which initially fills the narrator with
excitement but leads to his eager anticipation deflating,” is located in the introductory paragraph.
B. Evidence and Commentary (0−4 points): 4
The line of reasoning—the “intoxicating feeling of authority”—is introduced in the first paragraph of the essay
and is thoroughly developed and supported by specific evidence and perceptive commentary. The essay
focuses on the three main characters from the passage: the narrator, Ivan Loon, and the woman who is the
victim of Loonie’s trick. The student incorporates specific examples of literary techniques, such as “specific
details” and diction, but does so through the lens of each character’s level of authority. For example, in
paragraph 2, the response points out the significance of the details of the characters’ “origins.” The response
points out Winton’s distinction of the characters: Loon and the narrator are described as “‘townie kids’” and
the woman and her children “‘were from out of town.’” In the commentary that follows, the student argues
“this puts the authority in the hands of the townies.” After further examination of the description of the woman,
the student suggests, “Because of her lack of expertise, the woman implores the narrator to search for a
drowning boy. This is the first significant transfer of authority.” The student notes that Ivan Loon’s moment of
authority is punctuated by his “‘feral shriek,’” which “wrestles authority away from the narrator.” Later in the
same paragraph, the essay notes the change in the narrator’s attitude toward the woman: “While the
descriptions of the woman had been that of a strange, alien figure, they become more sympathetic as Loon
flexes his authority over her in the water” and argues “the narrator feels embarrassment for her, as if an adult
without the same authority as a child is pathetic.” The essay is organized in such a way as to fully support the
line of reasoning with specific evidence that is insightfully explained. This essay earned 4 points in Row B.
C. Sophistication (0−
1 points): 1
The
essay earned the sophistication point through its in-depth discussion of the tensions and nuances of the
shifting authority in the passage. Additionally, the essay is written in a vivid and persuasive style. Sentences
such as “Yet, the narrator’s own desire for authority resurfaces when he retrieves her shoes from down stream,
then goes so far as to explain Loon’s trick, explaining with mild condescension that he was holding on to the
roots underwater” elevate the persuasive nature of the essay.